This will be my final installment of this blog:
9) Personal Agenda - Now a woman with a life plan is always a good thing. However I want be valued as the man I am, not some factor in an equation. I have met some women that met me, and because I may not be into have children in the next few years, they had a problem with that. I'm saying to myself "Is this broad crazy? Or does it even matter the quality of man she wants if all she wants is kids?" If you have a personal agenda above the relationship, it can't work. Why not just date a man of poor quality? Now that's just one instance. Some ladies have it in their mind that we go out a few times, we are a couple. Seriously, if I'm your man, who's my favorite Voltron pilot? As my woman you should know certain things about my character. Sometimes this can be a smokescreen for just having regular sex, without sleeping with a whole bunch of men. I just don't like to feel like someone who fits a basic mold of being a man & nothing else.
10) Work Ethic - Understand that the first thing a relationship needs besides communication is work. Now your work ethic will determine that. A lot of these relationship shows pander to women, so don't think that you showing your face & smiling is all that is required. Sometimes ladies you gotta take a listen or fall back and let your man be a man. Most men don't communicate honestly, cause you ignore our honesty at times. Now as a couple y'all have to work on that. Relationships are constant work from the start, so don't think cause you have given him some head that your responsibility ends there. Put your hard hat on and grab that shovel. Also exhibit some patience, a man has to learn his woman. The good & the bad.
11) Bold & Confident - Yes some of the misguided might think I'm arrogant. Nah, I'm just extremely confident with what the Lord blessed me with. It didn't start this way, but grew after going through the b.s. & nonsense. Isn't this what the self-help books preach. I know some of y'all thinking "Oh he's not all that." or "He thinks he's cute with all his blogs, he don't know shit." yet here you sit reading. Remember if you don't believe in me, it's cool I believe in myself. So yes I will take time to get my mind & body right, cause I'm a good dude. If you don't see it, or it makes you a little insecure or jealous that's on you. I won't be defined just by my race, size, sex, or any other category you can put me in. I keep myself looking good for my woman, why fall off due to comfort or laziness.
12) Financial Status - Now I like nice things, but I'm not willing to sacrifice one need for two wants. I've noticed some of the women I've dated would spend hundreds on their hair but yet their car is leaking oil. Now yes I have my issues with frivolous spending, particularly when comes to asking me to help "support" it. Remember when I mentioned accountability, you should have it when minding your bills. Don't spend and spend then when ti comes down to something important, you have your hand out. Behavior like this can make our relationship into some "Trick/Ho" relationship. Not trying to do all, ya dig. Also if you are broke how can you get me Marvel VS. Capcom if you got no money in your pockets.
13) Old School Respect - Now I put this rule, cause the respect for the Black Man is at an all-time low. Now before you go ripping the brothers, note I command respect cause I give it. Have you noticed how some black women will allow themselves to be dissed by white men like John Mayer & the like. Yet won't get in their face. Now if I happen to check your ego, don't go off like I shot your dad. Especially don't get in my face like you want to fight. I have never hit a woman, but any man can be pushed to a breaking point. Don't find out mine.
14) Interdependent vs. Independent - Now let me give you the definitions & you tell me which one works better in a relationship:
Interdependent - adjective mutually dependent; depending on each other
Independent - adjective not influenced or controlled by others in matters of opinion,conduct, etc.; thinking or acting for oneself.
rejecting others' aid or support; refusing to be underobligation to others.
Now ladies don't you realize that a relationship is a co-dependent situation. Just cause 2 things occupy a shared space doesn't make it work. If things work better for you being solo, stay solo. This seems to me to be a bit of a selfish motive. In the fact you want to be independent to a point, but then still want a man to "take care" of you. If those responsibilities are taken away, why would a man want to stay. It's not that my ego got in the way, but I feel it's my natural role to be the master of my home. Being truly independent means you need no one which in turn is the opposite of a relationship.
So those are my top reasons. I hope I haven't disillusioned you or lead you astray. If you know me already, you know how honest I am. Some ladies had asked me in the past why we didn't become more. Hopefully this will give you some insight to why. Now all these reasons don't apply to everyone. Sometimes it was distance, situations, or I just didn't want anything at that time. Life is quite funny in the way things work out. I would like to think it was for the better, cause it allows you to read it here. So take time to read & understand where I'm coming from. You don't have to agree just understand.
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Reasons Why You Couldn't Date Me (Part 2)
As you know I try not to be the common guy. I have simple pleasures that I enjoy, but I'm not simple-minded. So to get a somewhat understanding of whom I am. I continue this topic in order to show some more of my complexity. So let's continue from where we left off..
5) Fear Of Intellect - I think this is quite valid, now you might be saying to yourself "What woman fears a man with an intellect?". Let me explain, it doesn't mean the fear of an educated man. More of a fear of practical intelligence. I have a bullshit detector and I use it to the fullest. However sometimes I let a situation play out just to see where it's going. I like to know the level of b.s. that I'm actually dealing with. So if some ladies have stopped talking to me, it might be because I checked their b.s. Some also know this as "Game", now ladies know a man with game is quite lethal cause he knows what he wants & how to get it. Most times people think when you "run game" you are attempting to do something dishonest or sinister. It's actually the opposite, it's just to get a particular result through cooperation. Remember a man's game is only as good as his word & his character. So if a man ran game on you & it was for something bad chances are he was a bad guy all around. Not all men who have game are players either, some just learn from their dating experience like I did.
6) Lack Of Accountability - Alright ladies, now you do know for every action there are rewards & consequences. Some only acknowledge their rewards, and not the consequences. I've particularly seen this with past sexual history and/or past actions in their relationships with men or women. A lot of women hate to be embarrassed by past situations. Some don't accept what they have done & try to have an "out-of-sight, out-of-mind" method of dealing with their past. I've met young women who have done a whole host of reprehensible things yet act like nothing was wrong until I found out. The feeling of embarrassment kicks in then, now they hang their heads in shame or cut off communication with me. I don't pass judgment, but if you know you have done stupid or foul things, have the conviction to face them.
7) Lack Of Cooperation - Now ladies, first thing you need to give a man before your booty is cooperation. Realistically, this is how a relationship dynamic works. There has to be cooperation on both parts. If you as a woman are stuck on "I need, I want" type of vibe it's not going to fly. Cooperation lets a man know that you are at least down to give it a go and to respect his opinions. Also to respect his leadership as he assumes his natural role in the relationship. Remember if I'm the quarterback or point guard of this relationship, I need my running back or power forward to be on the same page when I run a play. Otherwise it results in a turnover & we lose the game in this case it's the relationship.
8) Effective Communication - A very overlooked quality by men, however ladies don't get it confused. To be a great communicator, you must be able to listen first. Talking is always easy, especially when you want to ramble on. However, do you really ask a man how he is doing or is that just to be polite? Remember if you are genuinely trying to get to know me, some days that means shutting up & opening your ears. Talk about stuff you have no interest in but really make an effort to have a vibrant conversation. You might surprise a guy if you listen to him talk about the NBA, cars, or even the last issue of King Magazine he read. It resonates as being sincere & actually caring about what he has to say. Ladies the definition of nagging is to annoy by constant faultfinding, complaints, or demands. That's no fun for us, and for the man with the lack of patience. You might end up getting hit. I remember one young lady started an argument with me, cause she didn't want to hear me talk. I admit I can ramble at times, but note this it's never about any bullshit. Now if I had been talking about BET or Wendy Williams, she would have been all ears. If you know me already I try not to get into what I call "Nigger Rhetoric". Just remember this quote about having a true conversation: "Are you truly listening, or just waiting for your turn to talk?"
5) Fear Of Intellect - I think this is quite valid, now you might be saying to yourself "What woman fears a man with an intellect?". Let me explain, it doesn't mean the fear of an educated man. More of a fear of practical intelligence. I have a bullshit detector and I use it to the fullest. However sometimes I let a situation play out just to see where it's going. I like to know the level of b.s. that I'm actually dealing with. So if some ladies have stopped talking to me, it might be because I checked their b.s. Some also know this as "Game", now ladies know a man with game is quite lethal cause he knows what he wants & how to get it. Most times people think when you "run game" you are attempting to do something dishonest or sinister. It's actually the opposite, it's just to get a particular result through cooperation. Remember a man's game is only as good as his word & his character. So if a man ran game on you & it was for something bad chances are he was a bad guy all around. Not all men who have game are players either, some just learn from their dating experience like I did.
6) Lack Of Accountability - Alright ladies, now you do know for every action there are rewards & consequences. Some only acknowledge their rewards, and not the consequences. I've particularly seen this with past sexual history and/or past actions in their relationships with men or women. A lot of women hate to be embarrassed by past situations. Some don't accept what they have done & try to have an "out-of-sight, out-of-mind" method of dealing with their past. I've met young women who have done a whole host of reprehensible things yet act like nothing was wrong until I found out. The feeling of embarrassment kicks in then, now they hang their heads in shame or cut off communication with me. I don't pass judgment, but if you know you have done stupid or foul things, have the conviction to face them.
7) Lack Of Cooperation - Now ladies, first thing you need to give a man before your booty is cooperation. Realistically, this is how a relationship dynamic works. There has to be cooperation on both parts. If you as a woman are stuck on "I need, I want" type of vibe it's not going to fly. Cooperation lets a man know that you are at least down to give it a go and to respect his opinions. Also to respect his leadership as he assumes his natural role in the relationship. Remember if I'm the quarterback or point guard of this relationship, I need my running back or power forward to be on the same page when I run a play. Otherwise it results in a turnover & we lose the game in this case it's the relationship.
8) Effective Communication - A very overlooked quality by men, however ladies don't get it confused. To be a great communicator, you must be able to listen first. Talking is always easy, especially when you want to ramble on. However, do you really ask a man how he is doing or is that just to be polite? Remember if you are genuinely trying to get to know me, some days that means shutting up & opening your ears. Talk about stuff you have no interest in but really make an effort to have a vibrant conversation. You might surprise a guy if you listen to him talk about the NBA, cars, or even the last issue of King Magazine he read. It resonates as being sincere & actually caring about what he has to say. Ladies the definition of nagging is to annoy by constant faultfinding, complaints, or demands. That's no fun for us, and for the man with the lack of patience. You might end up getting hit. I remember one young lady started an argument with me, cause she didn't want to hear me talk. I admit I can ramble at times, but note this it's never about any bullshit. Now if I had been talking about BET or Wendy Williams, she would have been all ears. If you know me already I try not to get into what I call "Nigger Rhetoric". Just remember this quote about having a true conversation: "Are you truly listening, or just waiting for your turn to talk?"
Friday, January 21, 2011
Reasons Why You Couldn't Date Me (Part 1)
Now ladies please understand this particular composition is about the type of women that wouldn't date me. I wrote this due to a lot of - women thinking because we are attracted to each other & have some things in common that we would make a great match. Being my mate is more than just a cute face, thick waist, & some sex. The things I value in a woman are much deeper, particularly in her character. Your body may go through changes, but your character is who you really are. If there are some character flaws, I don't care if you look like Halle Berry at 25. You gotta go for real. So this writing will give you an understanding of why I may have passed on us dating seriously or ever becoming something more than friends. If it hurts my apology in advance, but if you know me I've never been soft with my words. Be advised this isn't anger, it's just me giving you as a reader an understanding of where I'm coming from.
1) Independent Thinker - I try not to go along with popular opinion. Not to be difficult, it's just I can't co-sign anything I don't personally overlook myself. So even if the media is reporting it, some facts may be left out or the story is edited to get a particular response. I particularly analyze things Black Americans take as the "gospel" in media, pop culture, beliefs, fashion, etc. So if you as my woman at least can't respect my opinion or at least see the logic in my argument. You gotta go. Pretty much this is for the "slave mind" females who allow others to give their opinion about what you should do with yourself & having no true purpose for self.
2) Instant Dad - Not really looking to move into the ready-made father position. I would rather grow with a woman before having children because children can get attached or detest me if they have a bond with another male (i.e. their father or previous boyfriend). A lot of times there can be unnecessary drama with how the kids are being raised. Could I as a boyfriend really rein a child in that's not mine in the early stages of the relationship? Now you may be asking "Oh well you never really tried." just remember any respectable mother wouldn't have me meet her child without establishing a true relationship. Note, I say respectable because if the kids know mommy is really sexually active they will lose respect for you as time goes on. As a woman you can have a sex life, just not in front of the kids.
3) "I get along with males better." Excuse - GTFO with that nonsense. Now ladies you & I both know men & women don't hang like that, Now there are some legitimate reasons for having male friends, but if you're phone has like 200. You can't tell me all but 2 are real close, so the other 198 are trying to get at you. I can prove it, cause when a woman gets into a relationship all those male friends disappear. As an intelligent man I was attracted to some of my female friends but they didn't feel the same about me. Yet like a fool I stayed around thinking her feelings were going to change. I ask a woman questions about some of these so-called "friends" like "Was y'all always this close?" "Has he ever tried to sleep with you?". Just remember these questions are for women you are trying to make your girl or wife, not the jump-off. I will discuss the jump-off later. Also I feel if lady has too many male "friends" she's trying to be a player & her self-esteem constantly needs to be validated by having so many men after you. Not happening over here.
4) The "Good Time Girl" - Hey now I don't expect every woman to be a virgin or sexually naive but I don't want a woman with miles on her either. Some ladies may feel this is a double-standard because men get to be players & have multiple women. Now I don't pass judgment, but that's not a quality I want in a wife. There are also traits that women like this have such as recklessness, the ability to cause trouble, & a lack of focus. Sometimes their "living situations" are not on the up & up or their financial situation is in shambles. Yeah she's great to bring to the swing party or the gangbang. As a man do you want to wife up the chick who your homeboy & Rah from the block hit up last night? I doubt that. For the most parts I'm a square, so dealing with a woman who has bi-sexual issues, excessive sexual tattoos, or a straight up drunk don't work for me. Fellas would you introduce the "Good Time Girl" to your mom, NOT HAPPENING. Yes you can be a freak, but that can't be your best quality as a woman. If so you would need to find a man that can accept that, and it compliments him & the relationship. Especially if you are honest about your sexual exploits and he loves you anyway. That's a man you should marry, however with me nah buddy you can keep that.
This concludes part 1 but there is much more coming. Now ladies some of these traits I listed may not apply to you. That's why I will do a sequel cause there's a lot to read. So soak this up and enjoy. Leave comments too
1) Independent Thinker - I try not to go along with popular opinion. Not to be difficult, it's just I can't co-sign anything I don't personally overlook myself. So even if the media is reporting it, some facts may be left out or the story is edited to get a particular response. I particularly analyze things Black Americans take as the "gospel" in media, pop culture, beliefs, fashion, etc. So if you as my woman at least can't respect my opinion or at least see the logic in my argument. You gotta go. Pretty much this is for the "slave mind" females who allow others to give their opinion about what you should do with yourself & having no true purpose for self.
2) Instant Dad - Not really looking to move into the ready-made father position. I would rather grow with a woman before having children because children can get attached or detest me if they have a bond with another male (i.e. their father or previous boyfriend). A lot of times there can be unnecessary drama with how the kids are being raised. Could I as a boyfriend really rein a child in that's not mine in the early stages of the relationship? Now you may be asking "Oh well you never really tried." just remember any respectable mother wouldn't have me meet her child without establishing a true relationship. Note, I say respectable because if the kids know mommy is really sexually active they will lose respect for you as time goes on. As a woman you can have a sex life, just not in front of the kids.
3) "I get along with males better." Excuse - GTFO with that nonsense. Now ladies you & I both know men & women don't hang like that, Now there are some legitimate reasons for having male friends, but if you're phone has like 200. You can't tell me all but 2 are real close, so the other 198 are trying to get at you. I can prove it, cause when a woman gets into a relationship all those male friends disappear. As an intelligent man I was attracted to some of my female friends but they didn't feel the same about me. Yet like a fool I stayed around thinking her feelings were going to change. I ask a woman questions about some of these so-called "friends" like "Was y'all always this close?" "Has he ever tried to sleep with you?". Just remember these questions are for women you are trying to make your girl or wife, not the jump-off. I will discuss the jump-off later. Also I feel if lady has too many male "friends" she's trying to be a player & her self-esteem constantly needs to be validated by having so many men after you. Not happening over here.
4) The "Good Time Girl" - Hey now I don't expect every woman to be a virgin or sexually naive but I don't want a woman with miles on her either. Some ladies may feel this is a double-standard because men get to be players & have multiple women. Now I don't pass judgment, but that's not a quality I want in a wife. There are also traits that women like this have such as recklessness, the ability to cause trouble, & a lack of focus. Sometimes their "living situations" are not on the up & up or their financial situation is in shambles. Yeah she's great to bring to the swing party or the gangbang. As a man do you want to wife up the chick who your homeboy & Rah from the block hit up last night? I doubt that. For the most parts I'm a square, so dealing with a woman who has bi-sexual issues, excessive sexual tattoos, or a straight up drunk don't work for me. Fellas would you introduce the "Good Time Girl" to your mom, NOT HAPPENING. Yes you can be a freak, but that can't be your best quality as a woman. If so you would need to find a man that can accept that, and it compliments him & the relationship. Especially if you are honest about your sexual exploits and he loves you anyway. That's a man you should marry, however with me nah buddy you can keep that.
This concludes part 1 but there is much more coming. Now ladies some of these traits I listed may not apply to you. That's why I will do a sequel cause there's a lot to read. So soak this up and enjoy. Leave comments too
The Welcome Message
For all my fans this is my new writing page. If you have never read before, you are in for a treat. Just note that I speak from the hip. I'm not afraid to speak my mind even if it offends some. It's my damn opinion so relax & get over it. Feel free to follow in order get these wonderful works as soon as I post them
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