The "Hard Conversation"

       Hey folks what's happening it's been a long time.  Too long for most.  I think there's a lack of what people need to know when being in a relationship.  Especially for folks in very long commitments you need to have the "Hard Conversation".  What is the "Hard Conversation"? It's that uncomfortable conversation you have with your mate about who you really are & where you relationship is going to go from this point forward.  It's finding out who is the person you are really laying next to.


        The conversation may reveal if the person has commitment issues, is sexually confused, might have slept with one of your friends or family members.  It becomes very uncomfortable but necessary.  It will give you a chance to find out if you and your mate can really work & let out whatever secrets are holding you back.  I've known one of my good homies from grade school.  He told me he had a difficult conversation with his fiancee.  He had told her he loved her & wanted to marry her but wasn't sure if he can be 100% faithful. He had a complete "hard conversation" letting her know his issues & what to expect in their relationship going forward from this point.  The few friends his fiancee told about this conversation of course disagreed & showed their ass.  Funny thing is though all of them are still single or still "dating".


        Please also note that you don't always have to have the "hard conversation" with just your mate.  This can also be had between relatives also.   Some parents I've seen reveal that their child is adopted or "Daddy" is actually "Step-Daddy".  I've known in-laws who have told potential mates about their own children in relationships. Sometimes fellas have conversations with your girl's parents.  You might find out you are dating a "hot tamale" or a true to the game thug.


       What I learned about the "hard conversation" is it's unique to your relationship & tests if your really can handle your mate in a whole.setting.  There are a few rules though before having the "hard convo". Some folks want to play Columbo and they only dating for a 4 months, it takes patience.  So here's a few rules you have to abide by before starting this conversation.

1. Take into account that what may be said is somewhat hurtful.  This is was an easy thing to talk about you could do it over lunch.

2.  LISTEN!!! to the entire conversation before responding.  Jumping to conclusions is just bad all around.

3.  Take your ego out of it.  Oh yes ladies that means you also.  Your pride will be totally smashed by the end.

4.  Separate what you think you know from what you are being told.  No assumptions before hearing everything.

5.  Realize this might be the end.  Hey who's to say this is the final straw.

6.  If you choose to react violently, that person does have the right to press charges.  I know it's hard but you gotta be an adult

7. Ask questions relating to the subject & figure out where you exactly stand.

8.  After listening take a little time to think.  Remember this is your future at stake, no need to rush.

9. Don't have this conversation unless you live with, are married or about to marry.  If it's some sidepiece (WTF!!!) Let sleeping dogs lie.  If it's not for the long haul shut the hell up.


That's just a few rules I found that worked for me.  You can throw this out altogether & just wing it.  Just remember chickens have wings yet never leave the ground.

One Love.

Know Your Kid

Watch This before Reading!!!

As I watched this I wondered if the mother knew her son isn't a tough guy.  The second thing I asked was "Do you know your child's character?"  As soon you could see his mother was trying to be the aggressive role model.  However the kid isn't the confrontational type.  As the parent is screaming "I ain't raising no punks" what is going through his head?  Is he only fighting to prove his mother wrong or just to not get in trouble.  The kid he is fighting is clearly from the streets, his fighting stance alone shows that. Now coming from a 2 parent household I don't know the inner workings of how single moms get down.  It scares me that he's being forced to fight just cause of the parent's ego.  I've seen parents do this to their kids.   I'm not sure if this just a single mom who is trying to be "dad" or just a hoodrat out of control.  She has to be careful because now that this video has gone viral, I could imagine how bad this young man feels.  Don't be surprised if he develops a complex.  He might just start rebelling due to this moment.  As a kid that got bullied I understand the pressure to respond, the problem is the first reaction won't be the right one.  Now I'm not a parent so I don't understand the pressure, but I do know what it is to be a child.  The pressure of that sudden moment was too much for the child.  Some kids don't have the "hands" & you as a parent have to take your ego out of the equation.  What' if this kid starts picking fights just to prove himself?  "Cause he ain't no punk."  Feel me, time will tell us.

The Decepticons: Rappers In Disguise

The Wu-Tang Clan of 80's toys

Hey folks, I was watching Transformers (Generation 1, the original & only one I watch) & it's pretty interesting when you examine the antagonists of the series The Deceptions.  They are the original warrior cast of the Transformer race, they had fought their creators The Quintessons.  It's funny though because the hierarchy of The Decepticons works like a rap group.  Think about it, all of the greatest rap groups have similar dynamic of The Decepticons.  There's a bit of dysfunction, everyone has a particular skill, they are set on one or more specific goals, & each member eventually wants to be the leader or lead their own movement.  So let's examine particular characters that exhibit this element & what their purpose would be in a rap group dynamic.  Check it out:

Megatron in Full B-boy Stance.

Megatron:  The leader of the Decepticons, Most brutal of all, not only he transforms into a weapon a pistol. Most of his body is outfitted with weapons, even an anti-matter cannon.  His role in a rap group would be frontman. Megatron reminds me of a combination of Chuck D., Run (Run-D.M.C.), 50 Cent, & Busta Rhymes.  He hates to be challenged, but shines brightest when put to test. Speaks the loudest & leads by example.  He sees the potential in others.  Most will try to prove their worth to him due to his status. How many times did folks rhyme in front of the Notorious B.I.G.?  B.I.G.'s leadership is what made us pay attention to Junior M.A.F.I.A. & after he passed, they fell apart. Proper leadership keeps a crew together for real.

Starscream, always on the come-up.

Starscream:  Starscream was the aerial leader of the Decepticons.  His skill is unmatched in flying & air attacks.  However he's always been jealous of Megatron's leadership & desires to rule the Decepticons himself.  The funny thing is Megatron knows Starscream's desire yet allows him to serve, why because he's good at what he does.  Worrying about him trying to get takeover is a secondary thought.  So what role does Starscream play in a rap group? Hype man of course.  Always the first on stage & throws the crowd into a frenzy.  First to the stage & loves the limelight, but feels he's taken for granted at times.  Imagine if you will Public Enemy's Flavor Flav energy, the bravado of Willie D. (Geto Boys) & the crazy antics of Lil Twist.  Looking for his own come-up but falls short.  Even is bold enough to challenge the leader but doesn't have the fortitude.  Second banana life for this one, he does get to share in the spoils.

Soundwave, He speaks with his hands & tapes.

Soundwave:  The most trusted by Megatron of his entire legion.  A robot of few words, he handled communications & could see on all wavelengths from Infrared to radio waves.  He knows his cues & where he's needed at all times.  So his role would appropriately be The DJ.  Always ready at a moments notice The Decepticon DJ is ready to rock.  The irony is that he transforms into a cassette deck (Generation 1 version) with tapes that transform into other robots.  Soundwave is probably the most dangerous to Megatron because he has his own talent to live on & his own following.  However Megatron depends on Soundwave in rare moments of weakness.  Particularly when he was gravely injured in Transformers: The Movie, Soundwave stayed by his side until circumstances permitted him not to.  Soundwave is equivalent to DJ Premier, Jam Master Jay (RIP) & Terminator X combined, clutch in his skills.


Now the rest of the Decepticons play other various rap crew roles such as gophers, security, & the wild entourage.  Here are my picks

There are two crews that represents the Decepticons as a wild entourage that tears up hotel rooms & backstage green rooms, The first are the Predacons.  They were just wild in more ways than one.  They even had their own base just because they was too wild.  They merged to form Predaking. These would be the guys running through after show groupies.  Picture them as the M.O.P. of the Decepticons

Preadacons aka Allen Iverson's crew from VA.

The second crew are the Insecticons.  Just some dirty dusty dudes who show loyalty to the cause but you can't have them everywhere.  They lay siege to everything, think of them as DJ Clue's Desert Storm crew that was running wild in the documentary movie Backstage

Insecticons aka The Dirty Bastards

Their has to be a mastermind that helps the crew come together.  As with Run-D.M.C. had Russell Simmons, Public Enemy had The Bomb Squad the Decepticons have a secret genius that doesn't seek fame but people know his name, Shockwave.

Shockwave, Quiet Genius & part madman

Shockwave was the mad genius of the Decepticons.  Not only he created several members of the Decepticons he would also enhance them.  He was the one who experimented and created the Triple Changers Blitzwing & Astrotrain.  That sounds like a hip-hop producer to me.  I guess he's part Madlib & MF Doom of the Decepticons.  He never lusted for power like Starscream but his cannon rivaled Megatron's.

The Constructicons aka America's Best Dance Crew

Wrapping up my last entry here is one my favorites The Constructicons aka the dancers.  They were always in-tune with each other,  When it was time to merge to form Devastator it was a coordinated effort.  Who's more coordinated than a dance crew. They like to show out & make a spectacle so it's only right.  I guess they are the Jabawockees of the crew.

So yes the Decepticons are a rap group in a lot of ways.  So many characters represent different roles in hip--hop.  I'm guessing that's why so many hip-hop youth identify with these characters, especially from the Generation 1.  All the Decepticons wanted was their piece of the "energon pie" & have fun.  Unfortunately they didn't have a better outlet for sharing.

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Your Dime Is A Bit Rusty

Gabrielle Union Discusses That It's Her Fault Dwyane Wade Cheated


See ladies you have to remember, no matter how cute or attractive you think you are if you neglect your dude he will go.  Gaby tends to forget that D-Wade has options.  Not only he plays for the Miami Heat, he's a millionaire, & he's been on the cover of People's Top 100 Most Attractive.  Wade has been rumored to step out on his women, but remember he's living in Miami.  See Gabrielle's mistake is one that a lot of "pretty" girls make especially when they get older.  "Oh he's not gonna find no other chick like me." & your ego makes you feel invincible thanks to thirsty men.  The problem is  you can't gamble that your looks will maintain in your 40's & 50's.  Also remember Dwyane has options 24/7, you think he can't get a younger version of Gabrielle Union with less mental issues?  Ladies don't ever think your "cooch" is the above & beyond that a man will give up single life for it.  Especially if you are a dime, a real man will see past the physical & if you got nothing deeper he's gone. Gabrielle Union confesses in the interview that she's "self-centered" which of course is a determent to any relationship. Now some ladies will only be empathetic to Gabrielle cause they've been cheated on.  However if you look at the situation objectively you will see the error in her ways.  Do remember that you can't bank on your body & looks forever, being a total b*tch can still leave you lonely.

Men, If You're In A Bad Relationship, That's Your Damn Fault

At what point as a man do you fall this far. I know as a big man you face self-esteem challenges, but negro you gotta be a man at deal with it. This right here is some bullshit.

Long Distance..Can Be A Good Thing???

     My greatest relationship to date has actually been a long distance relationship.  I will admit it was never easy from the start.  I have to say the long distance taught me patience & how to value someone.  Look at the character and not just the T&A.  For all the craziness in both of our lives, we tried to be consistent in our support of one another.  For those that wonder did we argue, of course. What couple you know doesn't, but I learned a lot.  Our bond went deep.

      We met via the internet when "catfishing" was as common as folks sending you e-mail chains about Coca-Cola & Microsoft.  I'm guessing we connected on a level that at the time was unknown to me.  After talking through the summer of '99 (if I'm correct) we met in the winter.  Her family was concerned that I was a serial killer who might have her tied up in a basement.  Remember this is pre-Facebook & account verification.  Also do remember Windows got hacked like everyday.  So we met & it got even deeper, I wasn't mature enough to handle her love at that time, I must admit.  I'm guessing it was fear of commitment but we stayed at it. Did I stray from our union, I did.  Wasn't due to anything but lust.  Of course she was devastated, we worked through it but I know it was never the same after that.  We had to acknowledge the "elephant in the room", which was the distance.  She visited me several times, but I didn't visit her.  Why do you ask? Cause I was scared & my finances were so jacked.  Fast forward to about 2004 we broke up.  We was just in a different place by then & I was hurt.  But that was for the best, I dated & so did she.  I had reached out to her during a natural disaster in 2005 to make sure her & her family were okay.

       We reconnected in 2010 after growth on before of our parts.  A lot had changed in that time, neither of us had kids.  But as far as relationship experience we grew tremendously.  She had been involved & so had I. (That relationship was a train wreck, but it made me appreciate what I did have before.)  We decided to try again, but with more effort this time.  Folks had asked "When y'all getting married? Or "When you moving, D?"  I made sure to put in a better effort this time, visited her & her fam.  For a long time her family thought I was made up.  We were closer than ever, but our goals were very different.  She was in school, I work working & working on a career in entertainment.  We also loved our home cities & the lives we had built in them.

      I know for me, my relationship was going in 2 different directions.  I had wondered with the the life I live & want to lead did it scare her off?  It was a long distance relationship, so it's often wondered by others if she found someone else.  I don't think so cause she's particular about the men she dates.  So if there was a new dude, he's just fucking spectacular.  I'm not touting myself as the "shit" but I'm a good dude.  Far from perfect but good nonetheless.  Distance is very taxing on a relationship, but it also forces you to focus on what you actually have in common.  Imagine if sex isn't on the table in your relationship, changes how you view that person immensely.  Now you must figure is this person really worth it or if it's something you can't handle.  It forced focus from me about my role as a man in a relationship.  Be aware this takes a lot of focus & finance to pull off. (Remember gas nor flights are cheap) Just be willing to put in the work.


      After we came to an understanding, I think it made up better friends.  We always were & have been friends who loved each other.  So it makes it very important to my growth as a man.  Do we still love & care for each other, greatly.  Just right now we are in two different places literally & figuratively.  There may be a scenario were we do become one, & then we may not.  Who knows..