Context vs. Intent

          Hey folks recently I've gotten into some funny debate about the word "cooperation".  Now I use it in the true definition of the word.  So let me set this story up.  One night while hanging out with some friends we decide to head to Brooklyn & get some drinks.  I meet some other friends out there and we just have a general convo. I just happen to mention I went to a nice party earlier in the week in which the women were "cooperative."  My homegirl takes offense as I'm describing the situation & I give her the "WTF" face.  Apparently she thinks I use the word "cooperation" to mean that the women are very sexually cooperative.  I'm thinking to myself "Why did you take it there?"  She tells me that the word is very subjective & can be seen as something vile.  Now when I ask my fellas they are like "She is buggin'!" or "Yo she's too sensitive!"  So naturally I went to the place where all good arguments or debates go to really shine: Facebook.  As you know I'm not shy when it comes to debating so I asked my Facebook fam if the word is offensive to women.  I found that some women did agree with my homegirl, other saw my point of view as being no big deal.


            So is it the fact that cooperation is a bad word like submit or obey.  As any man knows these types of words offend women, especially in this politically correct/neo-feminism era. I was told by a lovely young woman that the word coopersation brings on thoughts of submission.  I disagreed in the aspect of, is the pre-concieved notion of submission come from a woman's hatred of being more agreeable?  Does it deal with subconscious anger issues?  I ask this because why would your imagination take it to that extreme? Does a woman think that low of me that if I say she's "cooperative" it implies that she's fast.  I think the word brings about mixed feelings.  Some ladies it doesn't affect them cause they understand the context I'm using it in. Is it my intent to create some mysoginistic word.. 

          
          My intention is to simply use the word cooperation in it's right context.  Nothing deeper than that.  I would probably use the word more in the presence of my male friends who undststand things like that.  I think certain women take male language out of context thinking they know what it means.  I remember watching an episode of The Cosby Show in which Theo & Cockroach were discussing females.  They happen to refer to them by using the adjective "burgers".  Now Theo's sister Denise overheard this conversation & was totally offended.  In order to give her argument some validation she urges her sister Vanessa that this word is totally offensive.  Vanessa only begins to agree due to pressure put on by Denise,  Eventually the siblings start to argue & it's settled by the queen feminist ala Claire Huxtable.  Claire deems the word as sexist & demeaning and Theo is put to shame along with Cockroach.  Now yes to call a woman a "burger" is a stretch., but ask yourself this "Why does Denise care that Theo calls a woman a "burger"? "  Is it cause she really cares about him maturing as a man?  Could it be the fact that no one ever called her a "burger" so she's a bit pissed that he's using this term?  Who knows, but what's for certain is that she's pissed about this word "burger".  In the end why do you feel so important to worry about the words I use?  I can use any word in any context to express my intentions.

            
            So this made me wonder, is it due to the fact of me being a black man.  I ask cause psychologically some women don't accept a strong, straight-forward, guy with a very precise, sharp vocabulary.  I know in some areas we are not expected to even get coopersation or any leeway from our women in a relationhip.  Why is that?  I think some of y'all think I'm reaching, but think "What if I was white, using the word cooperation?"  In the end it comes down to how you view yourself.  Your issues with my vocabulary let me know that you have some underlying issues that you need to address.  My way of speaking will not personally hold you back.  If you think that, then you have been listening to the wrong damn folks.  Maybe she just wants to argue....who the hell knows????

Synthetic Egos & Cloned Confidence

         

          Hey folk what's going on. Once again I'm focusing on a trend that I see that has gotten a little out of control.  In particular folks borrowing or cloning their confidence from folks they idolize or listen to.  Is it just me or have a lot of ladies read too many books & now base their entire social or dating habits based on what they have read.  This era of self-help now just caters to the ego, thereby giving the reader temporary confidence.  However when a situation that isn't "textbook" they all of a sudden don't know how to deal.  Some folks base their confidence on something they have or possess aka "The Popeye Complex". 

              So now what happens when you are stripped of your magazines, cars, cool clothes, etc.  The raw individual doesn't have much.  Why is that?  As human beings now I've noticed possessions have become more important than the soul. So now you have folk looking to amass a fortune than rather work on themselves.  This is why you have celebs losing their damn minds.  Sometimes for them their talent was enough to make them comfortable.  They find solace in other things & reckless behavior to cope. The sad part is that average folks emulate these celebrities due to not feeling good about themselves.  How many females got out of pocket with their boyfriends after Rihanna got into with Chris Brown.  So many women think they identify with Rihanna, but in actuality they bond with the dysfunctional relationship she had.  Some claim to understand the "abuse" she endured.  How many of you ladies have gotten into a fight in a Lamborghini while checking your man's phone? You can relate somewhat, but let's been honest that's not your life. I'm guessing some folks need to live others' lives in order to make sense of their own.   We call that "The Matrix"

            A lot of men now are just as guilty of it.  If you listen to their slang "Yo son I'm on my Jay-Z swag right now." That to me just screams you have no original confidence of your own.  Too many men are looking to the rappers for how to dress, what to say, & even how to think. I'm not sure if you know this a lot of rappers don't make good choices. I mean would you trust Lil Wayne's fashion sense, or Rick Ross' choice in women to make the mother of his children?  Hell no, so why put 100% trust in everything they say?  Not everything you read on Twitter is a gem, some are just straight rocks or a quote they borrowed from someone else.  What makes an individual is what you do in spite of.  Not just going with the flow or defying they flow to be different. It's about creating something  new entirely.  As a man I had to learn to be myself & be truly comfortable with who I am.  Yes I'm a fat dude who's opinionated, still eats beef, doesn't like Madea, & reads comics.  In the end i learned some folks will get it, & others won't. 

           As a human being you have to know what you can & can't handle.  I'm seeing folks egos get bruised on Facebook due to everyone telling them how fly they are.  It's all bullshit cause in the end, can you really count on them.  The amount of "yes men" out there is always high.  It's your job as a "real" person to figure out what's real & what's fake.  There's no textbook to tell you how to deal with the bullshit, cause it's a case-by-case basis.  So Rihanna's bullshit isn't what Tyeisha from the Bronx is dealing with.  Your craziness is just that YOUR CRAZINESS!!!  Create your own "flyness" instead of looking for it in others.

The Popeye Complex

Now for the folks that get lost by the title, this will not be about Popeye The Sailor.  However we will talk about how his mythology plays in real life.  If you aren't familiar Popeye The Sailor is a fictional character that draws power from the vegetable, spinach. When he ingests spinach, he gets the ability to do superhuman feats.  He usually has to depend on spinach because his longtime girlfriend Olive Oyl, usually flirts with his equally longtime nemesis Bluto.  The funny thing is that usually Bluto will "beat the breaks" off Popeye until that can of spinach comes out of his shirt.  After that, it's no contest.  It's as

he's a whole different person.  So you have to ask, where was this strength before the spinach?

Now you are asking, how does this relate to real life & is this a rant about Olive Oyl being reckless?  The thing is that a lot of people suffer from a condition called "The Popeye Complex".  I will illustrate some forms of  this condition that you might fail to notice or just never thought that deep about. Trust me you will sit back after reading this & say "Yo, I know someone like that!!!" 

So let's examine the first instance of this condition.  This would be the dependence on physicality.  How many times have you met a male or female that lived their life totally on looks?  If they didn't have the latest clothes, their hair was a little off, or they just gained a little weight.  Next thing you know their attitude was gone. or they lost their confidence to the point you didn't know recognize them.  This is illustrated with a lot of reality television celebs. The sad part is with folks like this who fall victim to settling for someone who still reveres them like they are top notch.  That insecurity forces them to find a person they feel that gives them their old confidence.  I've seen this firsthand & it's sad, cause if their spouse gets their own confidence they would leave that situation.  If you find yourself in a situation like that, find the confidence in yourself to leave. Life is too short to be someone's "ego amplifier". You are more valuable to someone who truly respects you.

The second instance is a classic that we have all seen, dependence on financial status.  This is instance is also quite common in everyday circles.  Now you may think I'm only talking about the very wealthy, professional athletes, or big celebrities (i.e. rappers, actors), but it goes on commonplace with a lot of blue collar work as well.  How many times do you see the cute chick on the train or bus talking to the conductor or bus driver,  You think that was by accident or that he or she has game like that, nah their occupation allows for "job groupies".  Now some folks know they have benefits & good money coming in (especially in a recession) where they can dictate certain things within a relationship.  So they seem way more confident until they lose that job, or face off financially with someone who is the same tax bracket or is above .  Kevin Hart illustrated this beautifully in his bit about hanging with Dwyane Wade & Mekhi Phifer.  He thought his money was real big until he hangs with them.  It's a blow to his ego that their are some folks who make your money look like small change.  If you are dating a "job groupie" and she sees this, it might cause issues in your relationship.  It's a definitive ego check, that can either make that person want to get more money, or find someone that thinks their lifestyle is superior.  If that's the only reason why you even feel good about yourself, it's pretty shallow.  At some point the money stops, then what.  We have heard about folks who couldn't accept the fact they were going to lose their lifestyle & BANG!!! Dead on the doorstep.  You can't take it with you.

The third instance is another classic, particularly in the "hood".  Which is narcotic/intoxication confidence.  This is usually when someone gets drunk or high & all of a sudden has the ability to speak their mind without any fear.  Remember drugs just release your inhibitions, so where as when you take a risk you feel less guilty about it.   How many times have you either seen or been in an argument with someone that ends up bad & the next day you hear "I was drunk, my bad" or "I was high as shit".  It's just a passive-aggressive way to relay their real feelings.  Ladies if a man feels you up & claims he was drunk, he's been trying to sleep with you for the longest.  Fellas, if a chick tells you that "You can get it" but acts drunk, she's telling you that sober you can hit that.  If you expose this a lot of folks just run away or try to deny their feelings or use it as a gateway to talk about how they feel.  I don't trust folks like that, cause if it was that important you could say something.  I can't trust that as being honest cause you had to be on something to speak you mind.  That's a big liability in my book. 

The final instance is what I call item dependency.  This is where a particular item (i.e. spinach, car, social status, saying "Shazam") gives a person confidence.  This is usually refers to folks who have a particular object that brings some type attention. This can bring about attention but then be determent to them as well.  You have a pair of kicks that everyone wants but don't have the means to defend yourself from folks that want them.  I've seen guys scheme on dudes for their girlfriends, which to me is a form of stalking.  It's kind of sad actually.  When they lose that item, they are a shell of themselves.  Always remember only the soul is eternal, everything else is temporary. After a while you are just a slave to whatever you treasure & no longer enjoy having that item.

Take a look at friends or family.  You will see that some have issues until they take their "spinach" & then they become someone else.  You have to ask them & yourself "What are you running from?" & "Who are you, really?"  I know I will look in the mirror & do so. 

The Legendary Bus Uppercut aka ShoRyuKen

(Play The Video to understand this blog )

      Alright after watching the video with my lil Bro. I ain't gonna lie I laughed my ass off. Now I don't condone hitting women on general principle. However this hoodrat has definitive daddy issues. The bus driver was old cat from the old school. He probably had daughters & was not willing to play that walking away shit. As a woman what gives her the right to hit any man. (In Self-defense, that's different cause you might be fighting for your life so that's understandable.) This girl obviously didn't grow up with a male role-model to even remotely know to never hit a man.  That's the fault of her dad, for leaving for whatever reasons.  Now as an older man, you gotta learn to let certain things go.  Especially a man in this era, that allows & perpetuates young women being reckless has to be careful. Some folks will see this as abuse, even though he was egged on by the young girl.

          I see it as a young girl learning the difficult yet simple lesson of "Knowing Your Role".  A lot of ladies think cause a man doesn't hit them he's soft.  NO!!! It just takes more resolve to not hit you,  Ladies you have to understand that being angry doesn't allow you to touch a man.  Also don't think cause a man is old that he's less dangerous.  Ever heard of "Old Man Strength". Did you see how that girl's head snapped back?  Then he grabbed her by the neck like she was a flamingo in the jaws of a crocodile.  The tears start rolling in, not cause she's hurt but because she's embarrassed.  I thought that uppercut would've put her to sleep, it just disorientated her. This reminds me of the "Amber Lamps" video.  Everyone can talk crazy until they get hit, after that they are looking for help.  Fellas this goes for you too, stop fighting folks cause you think they can't defend themselves.  I've seen young dudes get knocked the f*ck out, messing with old folks.  It's sad that an uppercut has to be the thing to check an ego.


Take a look at this The Aftermath Now she understands the hard lesson, & listen to the humility in her voice. Disrespectful children I will end by saying this to you: "Be like a tumor, & cut it out"