The Fascination With Scandal

        So what's the fascination of the TV show Scandal?  There's so many obvious reasons.  It's a well written,  dramatic show of a black woman named Olivia Pope.  However I've noticed how big this show is particularly popular with all types of black women.  I've read posts from hoodrats to PH. D.'s about Scandal episodes on Facebook.  There has to be a particular reason that has women all abuzz about this show. The main character Olivia Pope who runs a company that specializes in media damage control.  Apparently she is sleeping with the President Of The United States.  Of course he's married, I've read a few blogs about the fascination of the show.  It really comes down to the old post-slavery fantasy of a powerful white male wanting a black woman & willing to risk everything for her.  In the show the President confesses his love for her, yet let's really look at the situation. As much as he loves her, he's not willing to risk his lifestyle for her.  So in turn Olivia is his mistress, but he tells her all the things cheating men tell their mistresses "Oh it's me & you as soon as I..."  The usual bullshit rhetoric.  


        In real life (Black women I'm addressing you) when have you known a powerful, rich, & influential white male to risk his status for interracial love?  You are rooting for the side-chick to win?  That won't happen.  Do remember Halle Berry thought she had a great white guy, but when they had issues he called her a "Nigger Bitch".  It's one thing to be angry at a loved one, but why get racial?  Unless that's how you always felt & just kept it to yourself.  Please know I'm not against interracial relationships, I'm against racial notions that if you date a different race all of a sudden your relationship is better.  The show Scandal doesn't hate on black men like some think.  It just gives sisters the proper amount of bullshit they need.  However do remember a white man called y'all "Nappy Headed Hoes".

        This show is popular with a lot of black feminists, cause it plays to that "White man loves me, Negro Bed Wench" mentality.  Ladies I just say be careful cause it's promoting that agenda.  Just remember if you have a child with this man, you are raising black kids.  We all like to use "bi-racial" when things are cool, but you know the truth.  So enjoy the TV by all means, I just say don't lie to yourself about this life.  I write this out of love & respect. 

So This Is The New Minstrel Show???

My Take On N*gger, Who's Got Permission.

nig·ger

noun

1.

Slang: Extremely Disparaging and Offensive.

a.

a black person.

b.

a member of any dark-skinned people.

2.

Slang: Extremely Disparaging and Offensive. a person of any race or origin regarded as contemptible, inferior, ignorant, etc.

3.

a victim of prejudice similar to that suffered by blacks; a person who is economically, politically, or socially disenfranchised.

For the folks that didn't know the definition.  It's been an interesting year so far.  Quite a few folks have said it Riley Cooper & Paula Deen.  The funniest thing is how they tried to deny it.  There's an admission of guilt but only in the aspect of feeling like it's not really a big deal.  Do remember racism hasn't disappeared, it's just gone covert.  Especially in the internet generation, where folks can talk with no filter & without consequence. If you ever look at Twitter a lot of folks talk slick there (i.e. Gwyneth Paltrow & the "N*ggas In Paris tweet) using the word "nigga"  in rap song references.  Speaking of rap, there's the eternal debate of why rappers & black folks can say it & other races can't.  It's more simple than you think though.  Ask yourself what's got people especially non-people of color on the offensive about eliminating the "N-Word"?  Black folks can't get into trouble for saying the word, & that pisses a lot of folks off.  Look at the comedy of Richard Pryor, white folks loved it but had to be careful when repeating it.  For some that makes them upset that in a society they dominate (socially, financially etc.) there's a word they don't have a right to say.  I laugh cause I say let's trade places.  How about my people have all the power & influence in this entire world and trade you for the word "Nigger" cool?  So yes you can use the word, but now we get all the white perks from thereforth.  Is the word that bad you are willing to give up that?  For the people out there that think we should get rid of the word, there are a few bigger problems that people of color encounter before the "N-word"

Whatever Happened To A/S/L?? (You Still Getting "Catfished" in 2013?)

So I'm a fan of MTV's show Catfish. Let me explain the term: The person who assumes such a fake identity is known as a catfish. On the show Catfish, the host Nev & his partner Max help folks find their online "loves",  Max starred in his own documentary in 2010 also called Catfish, in which he shares his experience about meeting someone who wasn't their profile.  I'm guessing due to the advancement of social networking, being "catfished" is now more prevalent than ever.  Now have I ever been "catfished" yes & no.  I say that cause anyone who was pretending not to be themselves we never actually met.  So have folks stopped using common sense now?  I mean some of these folks on this show have spoken for years & never met.  So I would be skeptical after a few months, especially if we claim to be serious.  Have I been gassed up before? Yes, but that's only cause I ignored my conscience  


         So what happened to folks chatting up for a while and asking Age/Sex/Location?  You always went into a chat with some skepticism. Why, cause some folks want to believe in the myth.  They would rather believe the lie than find out the truth.  The internet has allowed folks to run from their lives & make something online "real".  I remember being on the chatrooms back in '98 & '99 and the vibe was so unknown. Meeting took some weeks before & if it sounded to good to be true usually it was.  I think folks feel people have to be honest on Facebook.  Even though the site tries to cite fake profiles, there's always a way to make a false profile. (Note: I'm FB friends with Black Dynamite) So why do folks think it's foolproof?  The net is just as flawed (if not more) as society.  There are folks just looking for attention.  Others can't live with the life they have, so they decide to try to be Jessica Rabbit online with a bunch of stolen pics.


        Well I'm here to help you out with a few tips (PAY ATTENTION!!!):

1.  If this person is way too attractive & is complaining about being single, That's that bullsh*t or they might be just f*ckin' crazy.  Crazy is never in season.

2,  If all of your conversations revolve around their financials, that's the bullsh*t.  You are either talking to an African hacker who needs money to get out of their country or someone straight hustling you.  This can be male or female.  If you that stupid, hope your pockets are deep.

3.  Do they have issues meeting in public?  Ask yourself "If this person can't meet me somewhere mutual, what the hell is the problem?"  You might be dealing with a rapist, criminal, or the same sex who's trying to get over.  I remember one time I met a young lady who met me in Queens & she said she was coming solo.  She came with some dude who was sitting in the back seat of her car. I said "Word, let me call one of my peoples."  She peeled out so fast.  See what I mean.

4.  Why am I meeting this person?  Ask yourself that.  Are you trying to make friends, date, find a "boo", or just get your sex on.  Be honest with yourself, cause not everyone needs your time.

5.  Be comfortable with who you are.  So what you weight 300 lbs. or you got an overbite like barracuda.  Be proud it makes you an individual.  Don't try to use sexy adjectives to make yourself seem better & paint a picture that isn't you.  Enjoy your skin & if you don't, change it.

6.  Let someone know that you don't know this person.  Always let someone in so they at least know you was out on a meet.  I'm seeing too many white women missing cause they didn't tell their friend what was up.

7. Craiglist ain't sh*t, if you not buying a tv or a used VCR. Stop trying to find your spouse on there.  Serial killers hang there.

Hopefully y'all pass this around & we don't go through 2014 with this phenomenon.  Start thinking before you type of the keyboard folks.

The Sisterhood Of Failure (Dangerous Unity)

      As I write this, I've noticed that women are coming together like never before.  There is a "sisterhood" now being established by women of all creeds, races, & even religions.  I'm guessing that some ladies have gotten tired of not having control over their lives so there is camaraderie in feeling like you have been a victim.  This however has created a problem for men, relationships, & their relationships with their children.

     Ladies I respect unity, but you can't unite with everyone.  A lot of women take up causes due to empathy, however don't realize some women make their own trouble.  Case in point, remember the girl who received the "Bus Driver Uppercut", a lot of ladies believe she shouldn't have gotten hit.  It's only based off the understanding that "A man should never hit a woman".  What about "A woman should never put her hands on a man unless in defense of herself."  I'm guessing some ladies who have been in abusive relationships relate to this young woman getting hit & thrown off the bus.  But let's look at it this way, she escalated the conflict & for what.  It was cause the driver made a few funny jokes & she felt a certain type of way. What made her feel she could put her hands on dude?  I'm guessing some women feel they should have the right to hit a man, but beware not all men hold back cause you are a female.  I mention that to say not every woman is your sister.  Some ladies are making sure you don't "come up" before them.  How many times have you heard or said yourself "Oh this bitch think she cute..." or "Who the fuck she think she is?"  Don't always assume that every female is on your side or is the victim.  I've seen this "Sisterhood Of Failure" dynamic exhibited in movies, tv, & the news.  
 Peep this

Now I don't have an issue with a sister dating a white dude, as long as it's for genuine reasons. If you still stuck in the "slave, white-daddy" syndrome STOP READING NOW!!!  If you think things are better with a white guy all the time read THIS & you tell me.

     To me true sisterhood not only helps, but it's honest help.  It's not playing to your ego to tell you what you want to hear, like R&B music on the radio.  It's your mom telling you to not wear that tight skirt out tonight or your girlfriend telling you that you are wrong for that.  I guess folks are too broken to hear the truth nowadays cause you run from it.  You have to pick & choose who to get wisdom from, not all of general women wisdom comes from women either.  Men (i.e. Daddy, Uncle Jerome, & Grandpa Jackie) can also put you onto good advice.  I've talked to friends who have listened to me & their relationships grow, others not so much.

So here are some basic rules to when you should & should not listen:

1.  If the person giving advice, isn't even following their own advice, - IGNORE IT!!

2.  If your girlfriend has no man, or has a lot of temporary d*ck,  Ignore this chick, cause any woman can get some,  The challenge is keeping a man interested past his penis.

3.  Be aware of "pity parties".  The "woe is me" clan is always looking for new members,  especially if you had a bad breakup or some type of relationship stress.  Do remember in Waiting To Exhale only one woman had a man in the end.  The rest of those chicks was lonely.

4.  Not every woman is your sister, some of these folks are scheming to get yours or use you.  How many of your so-called friends tried to ask about your ex?  That wasn't cause it was Christmas, she was trying to get it in.

5. Not all woman deserve sympathy. Peep a situation from all angles.  Don't always assume she's the victim.  Some ladies got slapped cause that baby wasn't their husbands.  Peep the movie "Kill Bill" to see what I'm talking.

6. Change your circle if they aren't growing with you.  No need to keep friends who don't respect your growth.

There is too much bad advice being given. Why you ask? It's cause if women get themselves together they stop listening to TV, music, & movies in how they should look, act, and think.

Just So You Know Black People

Django: Uncoded (Part 1: What Do The Characters Represent)

(Now before you read any further make sure you saw the film first, I spoil the entire movie for you if you didn't)

    So the controversial film Django Unchained starring Jamie Foxx has a lot of subliminal messages that a lot of folks ignored or simply didn't see.  So let's break down the plot shall we:  A bounty hunter from Germany named Dr. King Schultz (peep his name Dr. "King" but that's not a coincidence right?) played by Christopher  Waltz.  Dr. Schultz is currently looking for 3 men who worked in the slave trade.  Unfortunately he doesn't know what they look like,  So he tracks down & finds a slave named Django Freeman played by Jaime Foxx who knows what all 3 men actually look like.  Now in exchange for Django's help, Django asks Schultz how not only to hunt bounties but to also help find his missing wife Broomhilda Von Shaft played by Kerry Washington.  (BTW the original Django is an Italian western starring Franco Nero, who appears in this movie as Italian Mandigo fight owner)


     Now the funny thing is that director Quentin Tarantino is really trying to tell you about how messed up Hollywood really is.  As any black actor or actress knows Hollywood works like a slave plantation.  So how big studios control African-American imagery is very critical to how this movie is sold & packaged.  It's sold as a bad-ass negro takes revenge story but it's far from what's really going on.  So first let's break down what each of the characters truly represents in Hollywood.

Django Freeman - Just Trying To Make A Movie

Django Freeman represents the black actor/director in Hollywood.  Do you notice how much Django looks like a young Melvin Van Peebles from Sweet Sweetback's Baadasssss Song?  Remember that film was released in 1971 & it's considered one of the first movies from the "blaxplotation" era.  Django represents the director that just wants to make films & enjoy the craft.  However he will always get stuck in doing only hood movies or doing   small silly movies like Soul Plane.  They would never get the responsibility of a major studio production.  If they do they aren't really known (I will get back into this later on).  As a black actor our presence is very dominating on film.  We can steal a scene real quick, so the image is usually controlled.  Either they play one of six character types aka "The Nigga 6"

The Brute - Strong slave, not really smart & extremely violent. Also known as "The Thug"

The Mandingo - Sexually aggressive & attractive. His value is based on his attractiveness.

The Coon - The buck-dancing, fool looking to make white folks smile at any moment.  Most comedy roles reflect this.

The Pimp - Abusive & controlling, also represents the womanizers as well.  Always illustrating the black man's lack to commit to a relationship

The "Magical Negro" - This is the guy that actually doesn't exist but helps a white character feel good about themselves i.e. Morgan Freeman as God in Bruce Almighty.  The premise of God being a black man is so far-fetched for some white folks that it's somewhat believable.

The "Uncle Tom" - The "Uncle Tom" hates most things about his race.  He tries to identify with the dominant race to the point that he lies to himself.  The "I'm not really all black" statements or thinks when some whites are being racist, they have some valid point in doing so.

Django like anyone else is very brash & wants to get things done immediately.  He doesn't understand totally the politics of Hollywood & wonders why he can't get what he wants.  His white companion has to take him under his wing & show him how things work in his world.

Dr. King Schultz - My Euro Producer

Dr. King Schultz represents the white producer that "takes a chance" & hires a black director.  This person doesn't see color, sex, or religion.  He's from a privileged society who sees things as right & wrong, but who challenge the system until he's forced to.  What's funny is that his character is German, after WWII a lot of black men stayed in Europe & had better lives there than in the U.S. A lot of black directors got funding for films from European investors.  So you can say that Dr. Schultz is that benevolent white male who because of his upbringing isn't racist & somewhat respects his black companion.  He's does however understand the "white supremacy" power structure of Hollywood.  Dr. Schultz is the only reason why white folks even entertain Django in the first place. He knows that white folks won't trust him unless he treats his black workers as pieces of properties.  Notice that he was apprehensive to say the word "nigger".  Dr. Schultz character knows he has to play the game of Hollywood in order to be successful.  He wants to create the least amount of waves but his black companion won't make it that easy.

Calvin J. Candie - The Studio Exec

Calvin J. Candie represents the Hollywood studio exec.  He's rich, popular, & powerful.  Loves making films & will make anything if the pitch is right.  When he meets Dr. Schultz he's interested his making his film, but pauses when he finds out that the director is black & wants full control. A lot of Hollywood studios pause on all black films.  They usually under-market or just totally change the film altogether.  The studio head also is very old school.  Hollywood is very white, boys only league so they have old sexist & racist ways that reflect their pride in being a white male (aka The White Supremacy Mindset).  So they are quick to create movies like The Help or Roots cause it perpetuates the myth of black inferiority. A movie like Marvel's Black Pantherwould never get made by his studio cause it would be the antithesis to his mindset.  So in order for him to make a black film, you would have to disguise it as something else.  Let's say Fast Five (Please note: There 6 African decent actors in roles.  They are Don Omar, Tego Calderon, Tyrese, Ludacris, Vin Diesel, & Dwayne Johnson.  All are brothers or got some brother in em.)   So how do you fool the studio head, make the cast not black but mixed.  Tah dah!!!  The studio head will also demand one of the black male characters act like one of the "Nigga 6".  Unfortunately he's not the worse, cause he won't change.  Take a look below.

Stephen aka The Right Hand Man

Stephen is the "Right Hand" of the Studio.  However he's the black actor/director that is actually good with the studio.  He's the guy they have cosign movies like Precious, Soul Plane, & The Help.  He's paid handsomely to do it, & if need be sabotage a project as well.  If a black movie may need to be derailed or delayed, the studio will use a "Stephen" to enforce it.   You can see this dynamic with folks like Larry Elder.  He will even try to rip the positive stuff, just cause it offends his white paymasters.  They get Larry to do it, so they don't seem racist.  Stephen is a very intricate tool used by the white power structure in Hollywood, they have all the money but someone still signs their check.

Sheba (The Negro Bed Wench)

Broomhilde Von Shaft - Helpless Audience

Oh you thought I forgot about the women of course not.  There are 2 women who characters are the complete opposite.  Sheba the Negro Bed Wench & Broomhilde our helpless, kidnapped wife of the hero Django.  How do these 2 types exist in Hollywood?  Well there are a few "Sheba's" in Hollywood.  They are right up under studio executives.  Usually using their sex to make their life comfortable.  They like Stephen will cut eyes at any black man threatening their position & lifestyle.  They will fulfill all the nasty black fantasies that "Calvin Candie" has. In reward they will star in a major blockbuster or maybe get a role like Monster's Ball.

The second is Broomhilde or Hilde, the cute slave who's somewhat helpless.  Through the entire movie she takes no active role in her own escape.  So she's just a "helpless" victim,  I believe she represents the audience of black folks. In the aspect that we are held hostage.  Therefore we just take what is given by Hollywood without saying a word..  So it's up to directors to change what the black masses sees.  Cause a lot of black folks believe what they see.  

   So this is just my synopsis on the psychology behind what the characters represent.  I'm not saying Django is a bad film.  I just understand what subconsciously Quentin Tarantino is actually saying.  I used my 3rd eye to watch the flick.  In part 2 I will put you onto how the story plays out as the fight for black film to be viable in Hollywood.

My Time Off "The Grid"

     Hello again readers & random folks that found this by accident.  Last month I had decided to go on a social network fasting (Or as I titled it the #Unplugging.)  So that meant for a whole month no Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram.  I had decided that I wanted to check out mentally from the thoughts of the internet.  During that month it was quite interesting, so I will share with what I learned.


     The first thing you will notice is the quiet.  Especially if you have a smartphone linked to your social network account.  It can take some getting used to cause you have become so accustomed to talking via IM or hash-tagging a post.  After a while the quiet can become soothing, especially when it comes to times of creation.  If you love to just have time to think, this was definitely the right thing to do for me.  I had thoughts about family, friends, career paths, & spiritual enlightenment. I was quite tempted to write & publish but that was only for the followers of this blog (Big shoutout to you folks!!) When you get used to the quiet, when I got back on Facebook it felt real "loud".  You could compare the Facebook activity wall to having the ability to read minds, but you can't shut it off.  So imagine being Prof. Charles Xavier but yet you can't shut off the voices in your head.  I learned how to moderate what I read & what I don't on Facebook & Twitter.  


      Another thing was that folks are too dependent upon Facebook to keep in contact with loved ones.  Folks thought I was going on a total fast in which I wasn't going to answer e-mail or my cell phone. "C'Mon Son!!" That would be crazy, I still had to post music & just connect with long distance family.  Just cause I'm "off-grid" doesn't mean I'm anti-social, just anti-social network.  If you have someone's # give them a call instead of texting or sending an IM message.  It's time to get back to being personal again. Facebook is what I call "personally impersonal." You can tailor it to your specifications but yet it's only a shadow of who you really are.  It's crazy to think that some totally communicate this way. I'm kinda glad the friends I do have were made in real time & not digitally.  It seems like folks forget you if you don't post at least once a week.  When I got back on folks were like "Oh shit what up?"  For some of my friends you they have my # yet didn't reach out for whatever reasons.  Talk to me directly, it's okay.


   So what was learned during the "#Unplugging" first that being social isn't just Facebook or Twitter posts.  It's being personal with your friends & family.  Maintaining those relationships without the need of a computer or application.  Reaching out & reconnecting with family & friends on a old school level.  Go hang out with them, visit them at their job or shit just go out & have a drink together.  I'm glad the people closest to me stayed in contact.  I got to visit New Orleans again and share my experience with folks.  It was good to not be connected.  I think we can all use a bit less digital life in our daily lives.  It's alright to get out of the matrix and stretch our legs.  Stay connected, not just digitally.

    

Word....Really??!!!

Dear Abiola,

My man keeps calling me a “nigger bitch” during sex and I hate it.

I have been married for a year and I am at my wit’s end. My investment banker husband is from a White old money family. I am a first generation Black-American woman whose family is from the island of Jamaica. We met at a reunion for the ivy league school we both attended, and he proposed in six months.

We have the picture perfect fantasy life. He wines and dines me and we travel and shop the globe. Unlike all of the Black men I dated in the past, my husband is generous, loyal, committed and considerate. He courted me and I never have to pay for anything. He said I could quit my job and I did. He makes me feel like a woman.

I am a little embarrassed to share our problem. The first time he let the n-word drop was during sex on our honeymoon. When I reacted negatively, he explained that a Black woman he dated in the past enjoyed being called racial slurs. Another time he joked that he had purchased my freedom. He also speculated about whether his family could have owned mine because I have “good hair.” Then he made jokes about my pubic hair. He called it my “negro bush” and referred to himself as a “nigger lover.” He says I am being overly sensitive because he loves me to death and should get a “Black pass” for marrying me.

I told him that I don’t appreciate these comments and he says that my friends and family probably use the n-word all the time. He also asked why Black people can use the word and he cannot. I don’t use the word or believe in the nigga/nigger differentiation. Neither does my family. I am too embarrassed to tell anyone about this because I know they might say: “That’s what she gets for marrying a White man.”

Every time we try having sex again, the slurs fly. Our sex life is pretty much over right now because I pretend to be asleep every time my sexy, handsome man wants to be with me. I feel completely turned off. I love my husband deeply so please don’t tell me to leave him because that’s not what I want to do.

My husband was my first interracial relationship. Please tell me racial slurs aren’t normal between interracial couples? I would like to figure this out before we have kids but I can’t afford to leave him and still maintain my lifestyle.

How can I regain my sexual attraction for my husband?

Signed,
Black and Proud

So this acceptable nowadays?  I didn't make this up, read it HERE!!! I gotta go in on this mindset.  I had heard about this from the MackLessons Radio Show. I couldn't believe what I heard so I found it on the Essence site.  Now I wonder about this woman's self-esteem.  In particular her self-hate issues with her race.  She was quick to point out how brothers treat her, yet her white husband calls her "Nigger" on the reg.  So I'm supposed to garner some type of sympathy for what?  You sold out to be comfortable, so you have that comfort at the cost of your dignity.  The scary thing is that someone out there is going to "relate" & try to explain to her it's not her fault.  After you accepted the first time he called you n*gger, you knew exactly what you wanted to deal with.  You are worried about the sex rather than respect.  I bet she didn't tell her family, especially some wild ass yardies, Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit. You decide to be that stupid it's on you.  Eff the Bullshit

So where's the fellatio??

I think it's kind of sad that some men aren't getting the full "monty" of sexual gratification. Fellatio is one of the most slept on skills a woman can learn. It's crazy to think that some women haven't learned or don't have an interest in learning. Yet they want a man to be open to bringing a vibrating twister, her dildo, & other toys for women. Men we are basic, we don't need any toys or tools to get off. I've learned it's really about your lady's attitude about pleasing you. If there's some selfishness in her personality, it will definitely show here. I've learned that some ladies have control issues so if she's a bit insecure, fellatio is a sign of cooperation. So here's a bit of a guide I heard about on WSHH (Yeah I know it's a sad site, but hey I found this gem.) Maybe y'all can watch together or even just give your lady (or ladies depending if you a player like that). It's 2013 this should not be a special damn treat anymore. If Nicki Minaj can go on stage with a dildo...exactly.

Thirsty Dudes Have Taken Over

      As I was hanging out this past Labor Day, me & my homie Superking Armor were hanging out we happen to end up in front of Webster Hall. It seems that thirstiness has become the norm. Now I understand it's warm & the ladies are half dressed.  However there's a way to be cool about it.  Some of these acted like they just came home, so they were just talking to any & everything.  That's real corny in my book.  It's one thing to "kick game" & another to do surveillance on a female in a club. I'm guessing they come from that generation of men raised by single moms who didn't get enough attention.  At what point do you sacrifice dignity just for a bit of attention from a lady.  See how your dad failed you, he didn't give you insight to talking to women.  Therefore you got these men out here who can't take a no or at least don't accept one.  The scary thing is that's considered the norm by a lot of men now.  Hounding & chasing have become viable tactics of the "thirst-mongers"


         Now let me admit, I at one point was a thirsty dude myself.  It came in my younger years from about high school to my early 20's due to the lack of females in my life.  I wasn't super popular or hung with an influential crowd,  It was my "Wonder Years" of how to talk to women properly.  There's always an awkward period of knowing what to say & what not to say. The key to me growing was to be around others that didn't make mistake & to learn from them.  Sometimes you need to backtrack, figure out, retool, & then reset.


       I still made mistakes along the way when it came to meeting women though.  I just try not to be prideful and act like I have it all together.  If you act like that you are doomed to fail.  It seems that's the issue though.  A lot of guys don't want advice about dealing with females.  Some just lack the proper guidance & never actually got it.  This is why you see guys on the internet making angry confessional videos.  They were probably real thirsty & then lost the female, so those hurt feelings manifest into a video. I've been hurt too, fortunately I didn't have a webcam to relay those hurt feelings to the world.


      There however is an even worse affect created by thirsty dudes, PANDERING. This has become the new tactic of the thirsty.  They tell females everything their ego wants to hear.  However it's very undeserving to a female you just met.  So now you have a young lady believing she's the best thing walking, cause you want her phone number?  Seriously fellas come on.  Man the fuck up please, & the worst part is some of these females ain't even dimes.  Is sex in that high of demand now that guys are chasing sea donkeys & white donkeys with waffle cones on their foreheads.  Time to change up your tactics, cause remember a man must have his dignity in order to have respect.

The Myth Of The "Female Friend"

     Once again I always run into something that forces me to challenge it by writing about it.  So this time the challenge is the "female friend".  Now let me set this up, there actually a few events that make me believe women really can't be good friends to straight men. (Note: Gay men & straight women can be besties, why cause there's no actual interest there.)  A while back myself & friends went out to dinner and had a great time.  The funny thing is my "homegirl" at the time & one of her girlfriends she brought through was giving me a vibe.  Now I don't try to assume intention but I will inquire by asking my homegirl, "Hey what's up with your friend?" like most men do.   So we exchange numbers & chat via text (Fellas, that shit is dangerous try & have an actual conversation.)  just feeling each other out.   So I ask the young lady out to just hang nothing serious & I get excuses.  I ask my homegirl what's the deal with that & a lot of other things end up coming out.  Let me be honest as well, me & my homegirl are only cool cause she shot me down when I tried to get at her.  However I try to be the mature man & still be friends.  She ends up going on a tirade about how she doesn't know me and that her friend is new to the city so she doesn't trust anyone.   I'm thinking to myself though "How you just gonna let me look like a dirtbag in front of your girl?"  I was upset not that her friend didn't like me, but that my homegirl didn't defend me.  I would rather you explain to me that "Hey D. she not attracted to you, but I can put in a good word."  

           This makes me  wonder about females as friends.  Now if you read this blog here, about male/female friendships you can understand the exceptions for being friends.  I believe however women have conditional friendships with guys & not true honest friendships.   So I'm going to list a few conditions that I feel women usually fit into after a certain time.

1. Like Me or Used to Like Me - How many times guys did you just end up cool with a female who liked you.  Now you decide to be polite & keep a friendship going.  The thing is can you be honest with her about other women?  Can you she give you an unbiased opinion about your love life?  Why would she give you keys to being a better man for someone else?  Sometimes their judgement could be biased due to what's going on in their life.  What happens when the man in their life isn't on the ball?  You can end up with being the target of her rage. (See: Angry Bitch)

2.  "Hopeful Girlfriend" - This is the young lady that might secretly like you, but hasn't actually told you yet.  She's hoping that you get the "signals" she's "throwing".  The funny thing is if she's direct & gets shot down, no more friendship.   Sometimes just have a direct talk can give you understanding.  Her fear keeps her as your friend, but she's not satisfied with her station. 

3.  The "I'm Angry So I Will Take It Out On You" friend - Let's not front like some are angry for whatever reason, yet want to be cool.  Bringing anger into your cipher because you represent the men that have done her wrong.  She won't examine what she did wrong, cause she's a "victim".  These women you can see all over the internet particularly social networks.   Ever spoke with a lady & had a debate with her about male/female relations.  She always takes the side of the woman, even if she's wrong.  You will hear this term a lot "Oh if I'm angry, a man made me that way."  Shut the hell up with that feminist rhetoric, & take some responsibility for your fuck-ups.  But I digress, fellas be aware she will try to transfer her angry energy to you.  So be like Barry Sanders in 1997 & dodge that altogether.  

4.  Delusional "Dime" - This is your homegirl who thinks she's flyer than what she is.  She likes you but because you don't possess certain things, she feels she could do better.  However she won't invest in herself & defines her worth on the type of man she can get.  The funny thing is she can't even live up to her own standard.  It's the classic mentality of "Champagne tastes, Kool-Aid money" being exhibited.   You keep her around as a friend cause she's cute & you hope to "hit it" one day.   Don't expect her to become conscious of her bullshit until it's too late.  By that time you should have moved on, when she realizes your true value.   Hopefully she will get it one day.

5.  The "I'm Single So I Got Free Time" Girl - Remember when your homegirl got a new man and you didn't hear from her.  All of her Facebook posts & Instagram was all about her relationship.  You might call or text & not hear from her for days.  Now that things went wrong, all of a sudden she's got time for you.  So now I'm supposed to be your "surrogate boyfriend" cause you are lonely.  What you think happens when she starts dating someone else?  The phone goes quiet again.  So your relationship is really subjective to what's going on in her life.  If she can't come hang when she has a man, what does that tell you?

6. The "Jump Off" Friend - I've been guilty of trying to keep these friendships also.   Someone you have or still are sleeping with you try to keep an actual friendship going.  The funny thing is that as friends you really aren't compatible.  Therefore it causes awkwardness when things aren't about sex.  Will they still be as cool if you are in a relationship?  It can be if it's understood that you really just have something physical & no more. 

7. The "Ex" - Yeah this is a bit of a myth.  Now I know some exes who are cool, but the friendship is somewhat touchy.  It depends on how bad the breakup was, if it was mutual.  Maybe a friendship can be salvaged.  If one or the other was hurt, it can go real uneven & become dicey.  Also if your ex is dating someone new & still comes around, can you keep your cool? Being friends with an ex can go good or bad.


  So in conclusion is this to say men & women can't really be friends.  No, it's just to say that friendships can become inconsistent.  Ladies you may ask "Well what about the guys?"  It's simple if one of my homies has a homegirl who likes me. He would put me on (unless either he's feeling her or that's an ex) or at least give me the details about her.  There's a candidness I can get with my homies.  Now I have met some great female friends who I treat like sisters because there's a big respect there.  Do they always agree with me? No, but they can still love me anyway due to how we get along.  Some ladies just know how to maneuver around men,  They know how to not be the "female" but just be that cool person.  They know that they will talk to females, bug out, & might have silly theoretical conversations but hey it's manhood.  I was wondering if I should write this but hey it gives you something to talk about.  If you want to have a debate it's cool, but just note I'm up for a good debate.

And You Say He's Just A Friend (Facebook Re-Post)

      Now if any of y'all have really chopped up game with me. You already know my stance on male/female friendships. I've talked about them before and it's not that I have issues with them, I just ask y'all to keep it 100. Now is there some level of bogus nonsense that we believe in, of course. So I'm here to straighten it out like Pete Rock & C.L. Smooth. 

1) This first one is for both the ladies & men. If you have slept with this person even once, they aren't your friend. Think about it, has anyone you ever slept with wanted to be a better friend after they got some. Fellas I know we tend to think, nah she's just cool. But she's not, she's there for the ego. Ladies as well, y'all definitely like to at least be asked or entertain the idea. BTW if you think women don't have an ego, that's b.s. and it's actually bigger than a man's at times. No person going into a relationship wants to know or shake hands with someone who is or used to f*ck their mate. People get punched in the face for that. Ladies, would you be cool with an old cut buddy comes around and says hi. Now there are exceptions, which is pretty much baby momma/daddy situation. But be aware that may be somewhat funny situation. Ask yourself, was their baby momma/daddy this friendly before, if not start an investigation. I like to kill the b.s. before it starts

2) Ladies if a man hasn't slept with you, but has made it known he wants to and you haven't given him nookie. I believe if he's caught at least one erection around you, he's gotta go. He's no friend, he's just a patient guy. This man can wait damn near decades for some. I've seen it. (This particular type of man can sometimes be a "Capt. Save-A-Ho". I know I've seen some scuzzbuckets saved from selling their bodies or making it drop at some club cause of patient man.) Think about it like this, what if your man has a girl he's cool with but she's done some damn near reckless behavior like sitting on his lap like she's 5 and he's Santa. It doesn't fly at all. 

3) Fellas, if she's supposed to be your homegirl yet you are c*ckblocking. She's not your friend. Now you may be "looking" out for her. However if she's a big girl and she isn't interested in you, take the L and move on. Hating is not cute, and it will show the woman your "bitch" card. No real man should have this in his character so let it ride and chill. I've known some fellas that throw salt on their friends if they happen to have luck with a female he met first. Hate in your blood is not cool

4) For the Men & Women, if you have had any sexual contact with the person on any level. They are not your friend. I gotta get on the ladies especially cause y'all like to leave out "small, minor" details. Fellas you have heard this "Oh we used to kick it but we never slept together." Ask her "Did he eat you out?" That one always gets looked over. Just cause there was no intercourse doesn't mean things was platonic. So with me I really assume, there's a bit of fronting when it comes to male "friends" that women I know have. Not all, but y'all know who are. 

Fellas, if you have a "friend" you have slept with, don't introduce her to any females you are dating, sleeping with, or see as a potential girlfriend. I saw for myself what happens when a girlfriend meets an old acquaintance. I saw that unfold and it was not pretty. There was a lot of cussing and heated exchanges. It's dangerous so just avoid it altogether.


Now are there exceptions, yes indeed. However really take a look at the list and see if it applies. 

1. Co-Worker - Yes people mess around with co-workers, but if it's a job that you need. You better pass on that piece of @$$.

2. Like a "Brother/Sister" - That can work, but try to find out if this person is in a healthy relationship outside their friendship. If not it can be some quasi-closeness in which the other person is single & not looking to getting their own relationship.

3. The "friend" clearly is not attracted to your mate. Now it's rare that someone stays friends with someone they made a pass on, and the other person rejected their advances. It doesn't mean that you are now the 2nd runner up. Just make sure your mate still doesn't have feelings for this "friend"

4. Maturity - This is the most rare, cause you would actually have to be a true friend. Some friendships can survive sex, but only through maturity. If both parties understand that things have changed. It's possible to just be cool. You will know this cause there is a true honesty in when they speak, & if you ask what happen you will get the truth.


So really ask yourself how many true friends of the opposite sex you really have. Not every person your mate know is friends cause they choose to be. Sometimes their advances missed and now they are in the "friend zone". Doesn't mean they aren't trying to get out of that place. I will add on to this later in the week

Composed July 19th, 2010.