Hello again readers & random folks that found this by accident. Last month I had decided to go on a social network fasting (Or as I titled it the #Unplugging.) So that meant for a whole month no Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram. I had decided that I wanted to check out mentally from the thoughts of the internet. During that month it was quite interesting, so I will share with what I learned.
The first thing you will notice is the quiet. Especially if you have a smartphone linked to your social network account. It can take some getting used to cause you have become so accustomed to talking via IM or hash-tagging a post. After a while the quiet can become soothing, especially when it comes to times of creation. If you love to just have time to think, this was definitely the right thing to do for me. I had thoughts about family, friends, career paths, & spiritual enlightenment. I was quite tempted to write & publish but that was only for the followers of this blog (Big shoutout to you folks!!) When you get used to the quiet, when I got back on Facebook it felt real "loud". You could compare the Facebook activity wall to having the ability to read minds, but you can't shut it off. So imagine being Prof. Charles Xavier but yet you can't shut off the voices in your head. I learned how to moderate what I read & what I don't on Facebook & Twitter.
Another thing was that folks are too dependent upon Facebook to keep in contact with loved ones. Folks thought I was going on a total fast in which I wasn't going to answer e-mail or my cell phone. "C'Mon Son!!" That would be crazy, I still had to post music & just connect with long distance family. Just cause I'm "off-grid" doesn't mean I'm anti-social, just anti-social network. If you have someone's # give them a call instead of texting or sending an IM message. It's time to get back to being personal again. Facebook is what I call "personally impersonal." You can tailor it to your specifications but yet it's only a shadow of who you really are. It's crazy to think that some totally communicate this way. I'm kinda glad the friends I do have were made in real time & not digitally. It seems like folks forget you if you don't post at least once a week. When I got back on folks were like "Oh shit what up?" For some of my friends you they have my # yet didn't reach out for whatever reasons. Talk to me directly, it's okay.
So what was learned during the "#Unplugging" first that being social isn't just Facebook or Twitter posts. It's being personal with your friends & family. Maintaining those relationships without the need of a computer or application. Reaching out & reconnecting with family & friends on a old school level. Go hang out with them, visit them at their job or shit just go out & have a drink together. I'm glad the people closest to me stayed in contact. I got to visit New Orleans again and share my experience with folks. It was good to not be connected. I think we can all use a bit less digital life in our daily lives. It's alright to get out of the matrix and stretch our legs. Stay connected, not just digitally.
Friday, April 12, 2013
Thursday, April 11, 2013
Word....Really??!!!
Dear Abiola,
My man keeps calling me a “nigger bitch” during sex and I hate it.
I have been married for a year and I am at my wit’s end. My investment banker husband is from a White old money family. I am a first generation Black-American woman whose family is from the island of Jamaica. We met at a reunion for the ivy league school we both attended, and he proposed in six months.
We have the picture perfect fantasy life. He wines and dines me and we travel and shop the globe. Unlike all of the Black men I dated in the past, my husband is generous, loyal, committed and considerate. He courted me and I never have to pay for anything. He said I could quit my job and I did. He makes me feel like a woman.
I am a little embarrassed to share our problem. The first time he let the n-word drop was during sex on our honeymoon. When I reacted negatively, he explained that a Black woman he dated in the past enjoyed being called racial slurs. Another time he joked that he had purchased my freedom. He also speculated about whether his family could have owned mine because I have “good hair.” Then he made jokes about my pubic hair. He called it my “negro bush” and referred to himself as a “nigger lover.” He says I am being overly sensitive because he loves me to death and should get a “Black pass” for marrying me.
I told him that I don’t appreciate these comments and he says that my friends and family probably use the n-word all the time. He also asked why Black people can use the word and he cannot. I don’t use the word or believe in the nigga/nigger differentiation. Neither does my family. I am too embarrassed to tell anyone about this because I know they might say: “That’s what she gets for marrying a White man.”
Every time we try having sex again, the slurs fly. Our sex life is pretty much over right now because I pretend to be asleep every time my sexy, handsome man wants to be with me. I feel completely turned off. I love my husband deeply so please don’t tell me to leave him because that’s not what I want to do.
My husband was my first interracial relationship. Please tell me racial slurs aren’t normal between interracial couples? I would like to figure this out before we have kids but I can’t afford to leave him and still maintain my lifestyle.
How can I regain my sexual attraction for my husband?
Signed,
Black and Proud
So this acceptable nowadays? I didn't make this up, read it HERE!!! I gotta go in on this mindset. I had heard about this from the MackLessons Radio Show. I couldn't believe what I heard so I found it on the Essence site. Now I wonder about this woman's self-esteem. In particular her self-hate issues with her race. She was quick to point out how brothers treat her, yet her white husband calls her "Nigger" on the reg. So I'm supposed to garner some type of sympathy for what? You sold out to be comfortable, so you have that comfort at the cost of your dignity. The scary thing is that someone out there is going to "relate" & try to explain to her it's not her fault. After you accepted the first time he called you n*gger, you knew exactly what you wanted to deal with. You are worried about the sex rather than respect. I bet she didn't tell her family, especially some wild ass yardies, Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit. You decide to be that stupid it's on you. Eff the Bullshit
My man keeps calling me a “nigger bitch” during sex and I hate it.
I have been married for a year and I am at my wit’s end. My investment banker husband is from a White old money family. I am a first generation Black-American woman whose family is from the island of Jamaica. We met at a reunion for the ivy league school we both attended, and he proposed in six months.
We have the picture perfect fantasy life. He wines and dines me and we travel and shop the globe. Unlike all of the Black men I dated in the past, my husband is generous, loyal, committed and considerate. He courted me and I never have to pay for anything. He said I could quit my job and I did. He makes me feel like a woman.
I am a little embarrassed to share our problem. The first time he let the n-word drop was during sex on our honeymoon. When I reacted negatively, he explained that a Black woman he dated in the past enjoyed being called racial slurs. Another time he joked that he had purchased my freedom. He also speculated about whether his family could have owned mine because I have “good hair.” Then he made jokes about my pubic hair. He called it my “negro bush” and referred to himself as a “nigger lover.” He says I am being overly sensitive because he loves me to death and should get a “Black pass” for marrying me.
I told him that I don’t appreciate these comments and he says that my friends and family probably use the n-word all the time. He also asked why Black people can use the word and he cannot. I don’t use the word or believe in the nigga/nigger differentiation. Neither does my family. I am too embarrassed to tell anyone about this because I know they might say: “That’s what she gets for marrying a White man.”
Every time we try having sex again, the slurs fly. Our sex life is pretty much over right now because I pretend to be asleep every time my sexy, handsome man wants to be with me. I feel completely turned off. I love my husband deeply so please don’t tell me to leave him because that’s not what I want to do.
My husband was my first interracial relationship. Please tell me racial slurs aren’t normal between interracial couples? I would like to figure this out before we have kids but I can’t afford to leave him and still maintain my lifestyle.
How can I regain my sexual attraction for my husband?
Signed,
Black and Proud
So this acceptable nowadays? I didn't make this up, read it HERE!!! I gotta go in on this mindset. I had heard about this from the MackLessons Radio Show. I couldn't believe what I heard so I found it on the Essence site. Now I wonder about this woman's self-esteem. In particular her self-hate issues with her race. She was quick to point out how brothers treat her, yet her white husband calls her "Nigger" on the reg. So I'm supposed to garner some type of sympathy for what? You sold out to be comfortable, so you have that comfort at the cost of your dignity. The scary thing is that someone out there is going to "relate" & try to explain to her it's not her fault. After you accepted the first time he called you n*gger, you knew exactly what you wanted to deal with. You are worried about the sex rather than respect. I bet she didn't tell her family, especially some wild ass yardies, Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit. You decide to be that stupid it's on you. Eff the Bullshit
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