Now if any of y'all have really chopped up game with me. You already know my stance on male/female friendships. I've talked about them before and it's not that I have issues with them, I just ask y'all to keep it 100. Now is there some level of bogus nonsense that we believe in, of course. So I'm here to straighten it out like Pete Rock & C.L. Smooth.
1) This first one is for both the ladies & men. If you have slept with this person even once, they aren't your friend. Think about it, has anyone you ever slept with wanted to be a better friend after they got some. Fellas I know we tend to think, nah she's just cool. But she's not, she's there for the ego. Ladies as well, y'all definitely like to at least be asked or entertain the idea. BTW if you think women don't have an ego, that's b.s. and it's actually bigger than a man's at times. No person going into a relationship wants to know or shake hands with someone who is or used to f*ck their mate. People get punched in the face for that. Ladies, would you be cool with an old cut buddy comes around and says hi. Now there are exceptions, which is pretty much baby momma/daddy situation. But be aware that may be somewhat funny situation. Ask yourself, was their baby momma/daddy this friendly before, if not start an investigation. I like to kill the b.s. before it starts
2) Ladies if a man hasn't slept with you, but has made it known he wants to and you haven't given him nookie. I believe if he's caught at least one erection around you, he's gotta go. He's no friend, he's just a patient guy. This man can wait damn near decades for some. I've seen it. (This particular type of man can sometimes be a "Capt. Save-A-Ho". I know I've seen some scuzzbuckets saved from selling their bodies or making it drop at some club cause of patient man.) Think about it like this, what if your man has a girl he's cool with but she's done some damn near reckless behavior like sitting on his lap like she's 5 and he's Santa. It doesn't fly at all.
3) Fellas, if she's supposed to be your homegirl yet you are c*ckblocking. She's not your friend. Now you may be "looking" out for her. However if she's a big girl and she isn't interested in you, take the L and move on. Hating is not cute, and it will show the woman your "bitch" card. No real man should have this in his character so let it ride and chill. I've known some fellas that throw salt on their friends if they happen to have luck with a female he met first. Hate in your blood is not cool
4) For the Men & Women, if you have had any sexual contact with the person on any level. They are not your friend. I gotta get on the ladies especially cause y'all like to leave out "small, minor" details. Fellas you have heard this "Oh we used to kick it but we never slept together." Ask her "Did he eat you out?" That one always gets looked over. Just cause there was no intercourse doesn't mean things was platonic. So with me I really assume, there's a bit of fronting when it comes to male "friends" that women I know have. Not all, but y'all know who are.
Fellas, if you have a "friend" you have slept with, don't introduce her to any females you are dating, sleeping with, or see as a potential girlfriend. I saw for myself what happens when a girlfriend meets an old acquaintance. I saw that unfold and it was not pretty. There was a lot of cussing and heated exchanges. It's dangerous so just avoid it altogether.
Now are there exceptions, yes indeed. However really take a look at the list and see if it applies.
1. Co-Worker - Yes people mess around with co-workers, but if it's a job that you need. You better pass on that piece of @$$.
2. Like a "Brother/Sister" - That can work, but try to find out if this person is in a healthy relationship outside their friendship. If not it can be some quasi-closeness in which the other person is single & not looking to getting their own relationship.
3. The "friend" clearly is not attracted to your mate. Now it's rare that someone stays friends with someone they made a pass on, and the other person rejected their advances. It doesn't mean that you are now the 2nd runner up. Just make sure your mate still doesn't have feelings for this "friend"
4. Maturity - This is the most rare, cause you would actually have to be a true friend. Some friendships can survive sex, but only through maturity. If both parties understand that things have changed. It's possible to just be cool. You will know this cause there is a true honesty in when they speak, & if you ask what happen you will get the truth.
So really ask yourself how many true friends of the opposite sex you really have. Not every person your mate know is friends cause they choose to be. Sometimes their advances missed and now they are in the "friend zone". Doesn't mean they aren't trying to get out of that place. I will add on to this later in the week
Composed July 19th, 2010.
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