Perception Is A Funny Thing

      

         I was having a very interesting conversation with some friends.  One of them (a young lady) was giving me an understanding of why some women don't want to hang with you when you ask.  So I asked why is that?  She first off explained that some ladies may be a bit nervous around new people.  I countered that argument by asking "If she met me through you and you trust me, why shouldn't she?"  After some more intense conversation, the real issue showed up.  Something about women being attacked by men they know surfaces.  Now I've never had to attack or sexually assault a woman.  It's despicable & deplorable that men even do that.  So I'm wondering to myself, "Why would you think I would go there?" & "What kind of ninjas have you been dating?"  Do I put out a creep/perv vibe to women?  Is my look or physical stature imposing to women?  A funny thing happened to me last night, A young Caucasian woman asks me to pretend that we are together cause some young man was stalking her.  I was so amused I asked her to repeat herself.  She proceeds to tell me the story about how she hung out with this guy.  So now he's the creep & I'm the protector.  Just in one day I go from being creep to hero.  This made me look at myself of how I'm perceived before anything is even said.

SMH, these n*ggas.

      So is it me putting out a fearful aura?  Like anyone we all have had dark thoughts, however I don't let them run my psyche.  So is it the image in media that have made young women fearful of black men?  Possibly, at the same time a lot of black men don't help this image by committing public foolishness.  So by default a lot of women & non-black folks already dismiss us. Even before speaking, so they are already on the defensive.  As for myself I'm 5'11" & about 270 so that's physically intimidating.  I try not be this ominous person because that energy draws bad things to you.  However I don't have this all smiles demeanor either.  When I'm hanging some ladies usually think I'm the street dude from the corner cause I do wear the baggy jeans & timbs.  The reason, I don't do sport coats with jeans at the hip-hop events or skinny jeans.  I'm a big guy so I need space & I wear size 14 so those colorful shoes you like don't come in my size. (They also look terrible in my size, have you ever seen a big guy with a cardigan sweater? One word: MOIST)   When they see me laugh & have a good time I notice I get more love.  However the assumption of me being this hard guy is made totally on my physical, but folks who know me know I'm a kind, giving dude.

This isn't helping our cause brothers

The funny thing is I know my personality is intimidating.  At times I'm brash, loud, & talkative.  However when does this come across as scary?  I think it becomes scary to folks who lack something.  Maybe my intelligence scares folks into retreating cause they have nothing to say.  Could be just the fact they have issues  on their own & haven't worked through them?  I know it's not in style for a black man to have an opinion about anything. Why is that? Are we just cannon fodder for media & angry women who have nothing better to do?  It almost feels natural for America to shit on us.  Throwing us under the bus has been a staple since slavery.  It might be that slave mind that still has some folks caught up in this "fear the black man" stance.  I just wonder what is thought of me by strangers on the train?  Some are afraid to sit next to me, like I'm going to wig out or something.  It's worse though when you get judged like that from people who actually know you.  Especially when they don't defend your character to others.  It's just as bad if not worse than stealing or committing a crime against me.  Matter of fact it is a crime, the crime of being fraudulent.  To get to know me is a blessed thing, if you understand that we are friends.  If not, you just think we are friends.

Always remember perception doesn't equal truth.  Perception changes from angle to angle. So change your angles & see truth for what it really is.