I was talking with one of my peoples. We tend to watch re-runs of old sitcoms & movies. As a youngster most of the subtle knowledge in the script went over my head. One example of this is watching old episodes of Family Matters. Steve Urkel is your typical nice guy. He's polite, sincere, humble, and can listen. Now on the surface you think that Laura Winslow didn't like him because he was a nerd or a bit annoying. That holds some truth but it's really because he was too nice. Now this is not to say being polite or a gentleman is bad, but that there is lack of respect for the nice guys. One of the first things that most nice guys like Steve is that they are predictable. They put too much on the table when they meet a woman for the first time. Steve had totally told Laura he loved her before he even knew anything about her. There was no mystery to his character. Remember that advice you would hear some characters say: "Don't tell her how you feel?" it's actually good advice. I've learned that you can be forward and honest. However It will only get you so far.
Myself personally, I was the nice guy. Putting my feelings out there without really figuring if this woman liked me or not. I learned that women like honesty but want mystery first. It keeps a woman motivated to figure things out. I've learned that women sometimes say what they want, but don't actually want that. So what does this mean: The nice guy isn't really what they want. At least not initially. After a bit of rough relationships or bad experiences, then they are open to change. Not before though.
Ladies and really ask yourself and be honest. Do you really go for the nice guy as your first choice? Think back to when you was a young lady before the kids & your previous relationships. Was the nice the cutest, most popular, or star athlete? Probably not, he might have worked for the A/V club, a science geek, or an artist like myself. Now ladies you may desire a "nice" guy now, but in turn he may bore you. I know ladies like excitement. This I had to learn over years dating and growing as a man.
So what actually killed the nice guy. It was never one thing, it was actually a very slow death. It really starts in the youth. The nice guy is the friend, never the boyfriend. This in-turn can cause some frustration and confusion. Due to the fact you can't really figure out why she thinks you are a great guy, but she won't date you.
The second would probably be the rise of "Thug Luvin'". You remember when it became so popular to date a thug. Remember the songs and the imagery. As the saying goes: "Ladies love a bad boy." So now how is a well-mannered man going to compete, he may try to mold himself into one. However most fake thugs get exposed at some point. It's sexy until his thug life interferes in the relationship (i.e.: otther women, jail, people shooting at you while on a date, death, etc.)
The third is the most personal. It would have to the lack of respect that he gets. I know women like a man that can command respect (i.e. the Thug). Remember people often mistake kindness for weakness, women can make this mistake as well. I've held doors open for some ladies and they expected me to talk to them. I give the basic respect to everyone until you cross me. (Yes talkin' slick or unnecessary sarcasm counts too)
So will the nice guy come back to life, probably not. Being a "nice guy" is good, but it will never get you the respect a man truly desires. So ladies when you ask the question: "Where are all the nice guys at?" Ask yourself how many did you kill before you asked that question?
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